George Custer: Still Standing

June 25 marks the 132nd anniversary of the Battle of the Little Bighorn. More than a century later, Custer's Last Stand remains one of the most memorable failures in American history. To mark the anniversary, "Custerphiles" from around the country will, as they do each year, descend on eastern Montana to re-enact the battle — at several different locations, no less. (The mock massacres will take place on the weekend of June 27-29, to accommodate 21st century obligations like work and family).

It shouldn't surprise you that no one at Failure is available to travel to Montana next weekend, and we imagine you won't be going either. But you can still get a flavor of what will take place by reading Still Standing, Failure's recent piece on the enduring legacy of George Armstrong Custer. An equally compelling option is to read our companion interview with Steve Alexander, who considers himself the country's pre-eminent "Custer living historian." There's no doubt in my mind that Alexander will be on hand for Little Bighorn week, not to mention at least one re-enactment. After all, he lives for it.

$1 million offered for proof of Bigfoot

Great marketing ploy on the part of both binocular manufacturer Bushnell and Field and Stream magazine. Lots of free publicity and no one can ever collect the prize. The scary thing is that as of this posting 45 percent(!) of AOL users polled think Bigfoot is real (with 40 percent saying "no" and 15 percent saying "I'm not sure").

Poetic justice?

Today's AP Wire features a story highlighting the fact that more than two dozen youngsters who trashed Robert Frost's former home have been ordered to take classes in which they study his poetry as part of their punishment. Last December 28, a large group of teenagers broke into Frost's place, had a beer party and completely trashed the place, causing approximately $10,000 in property damage. Now many of them are making good by going to classes in which they read poems like "The Road Not Taken" and other Frost classics.

"I guess I was thinking that if these teens had a better understanding of who Robert Frost was and his contribution to our society, that they would be more respectful of other people's property in the future and would also learn something from the experience," prosecutor John Quinn told AP reporter John Curran.

On the surface, this punishment seems especially apropos. But in the bigger picture, the exposure this AP story receives will only help perpetuate the idea that reading poetry equates with punishment, hardly the message that poetry loves want broadcasted all over the country.

You Want Fries With That...? (book review)

* YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT? A WHITE-COLLAR BURNOUT EXPERIENCES LIFE AT MINIMUM WAGE, by Prioleau Alexander, Arcade.

Prioleau Alexander isn’t the first white-collar worker to abandon a lucrative career, try his hand at a succession of minimum wage jobs, and then write a book about the experience. But unlike most of his progenitors, Alexander’s goal isn’t to enlighten readers or make a political argument; he’s just trying to be funny.

A former advertising agency executive, the forty-something Alexander spends the better part of a year delivering pizzas, scooping ice cream, flipping burgers and cleaning up construction sites. He aspires to work for a big-box retailer, but fails to land an “associate” position at either of the big-box stores to which he applies.

While the rejections deflate Alexander’s ego, his sense of humor remains unaffected, at least until each of the individual jobs begin to drive him crazy. In the case of the ice cream “shoppe” this moment occurs around the time he hits “five-thousand pinks”—the five-thousanth time a customer asks for a pink-spoon sample. One day, “going pink” may have the same meaning as “going postal,” he quips half-jokingly.

In the end, however, Alexander turns serious, noting that since completing the book and returning to the white-collar world (as a freelance media planner) he makes it a point to say “thank you” and “have a nice day” to all low-wage earners. But Alexander seems to reserve the most sympathy for pizza deliverymen: “To avoid having a freakin’ pizza smashed into your freakin’ face by an enraged Pizza Man, make sure you have the freakin’ numbers of your freakin’ address on your freakin’ home,” he advises. How’s that for words to live by?

* The above book review isn't up to Failure magazine standards, so we killed it. But to avoid a total loss we decided to make it available on our blog, where our standards are obviously lower. Click here to read some of our more "successful" reviews.

Another construction crane collapse in NYC

A construction crane collapsed this morning on New York's Upper East Side (at E. 91st and 1st Ave.), smashing into an apartment building before crashing onto the street. As of now, one fatality has been reported. This is Manhattan's second deadly crane accident in two-and-a-half months.

Quantum Hoops and the Caltech Beavers men's basketball team

Seasons Change covers the story of the California Institute of Technology's men's basketball team, nationally recognized for its 23-year (and counting) losing streak.

Won't Get Fooled Again?

From today's editor's column in Failure magazine: Brace yourselves, Democratic supporters. The American populace appears poised to elect another Republican — Arizona Sen. John McCain — as our next president, this in spite of the public's strong dissatisfaction with the direction of the country.

Of course, if Americans want to go with John McCain as president, that's their prerogative. But one can make the argument that the American people will be getting a McCain that is much different than the one they are bargaining for. Recall that George W. Bush was packaged and presented to Americans as a "uniter," a compassionate conservative, and someone who could relate to the average American. (Today, the overwhelming majority of Americans would characterize Bush as a "divider" and a man completely out of touch with the problems faced by ordinary Americans.)

Now consider McCain, typically defined by the media as a "maverick" and a straight talker, an affable "moderate" Republican who is sometimes at odds with his own party. But this is, at best, a woefully incomplete characterization of McCain.

For starters, the media has somehow overlooked McCain's notoriously bad temper, which remains unknown to most Americans outside Arizona. In a March 2000 article entitled "Free Ride," Pat Murphy of the Arizona Republic wrote: "If McCain were to become president, Americans would wake up to more than a commander-in-chief with a prickly temperament and a low boiling point. McCain is a man who carries get-even grudges. He cannot endure criticism. He threatens. He controls by fear. He's consumed by self-importance…."

Meanwhile, Americans also don't seem to be aware that McCain makes it a habit of making vicious, insensitive comments (about everyone from Chelsea Clinton to Vietnamese people) that get little or no play in the national media. Some might argue that we should give him a pass for making disparaging, racist remarks about the Vietnamese; after all, he did spend five-and-a-half years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam. But at the very least this would seem to be relevant in terms of his fitness for the presidency, particularly when it comes to foreign affairs.

And speaking of foreign policy, McCain might be no more capable of understanding and handling foreign affairs than president Bush. In 2006, speaking about the sectarian violence in Iraq, McCain said, "One of the things I would do if I were president would be to sit the Shiites and the Sunnis down and say, "Stop the bullshit.' " Not exactly the measured analysis one should expect from the president of the United States.

Never mind the fact that not long ago that McCain responded to a question about Iran by singing "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran" to the tune of "Barbara Ann," an unsettling display conveniently overlooked by the major media.

It should be interesting to see if the national press continues to soft-pedal McCain once the Democratic presidential candidate is selected and the race becomes a one-on-one affair. Will McCain's foreign policy positions come back to haunt him? Will he say something so inappropriate that it is impossible for the media to ignore? Will he be exposed as being further "right" than is commonly assumed?

Bottom line: It is perfectly reasonable for Americans to prefer McCain over Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. But let's hope they do so for the right reasons. Much as was the case with George W. Bush, it seems the American people are being sold a candidate who is not what he seems. And Americans seem more than willing to buy.

Isiah Thomas' failed tenure ends

Today Isiah Thomas was removed as head coach of the NBA's New York Knicks after compiling a 56-108 record over the course of two seasons. Of course, Thomas' tenure was preceded by the disastrous one-year reign of Larry Brown, who finished 23-59 with the Knicks two seasons ago.

Don Imus: Barack Obama "almost a bigger pussy" than Hillary Clinton

It has only been a year since Don Imus was fired by CBS and MSNBC for referring to members of the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy headed hos." But if recent comments made on his recently re-launched program (syndicated on ABC Radio) are any indication, Imus is starting to feel untouchable again. During the April 17 edition of Imus in the Morning, Imus asserted that Sen. Barack Obama is "almost a bigger pussy than" Sen. Hillary Clinton.

Commenting on the April 16 Democratic debate, here's what Imus had to say, verbatim:

Imus: Stephanopoulos I thought was great, and the debate was fine. I thought Senator Obama was on the defensive most of the night. But they're both sissy boys or sissy girls, or whatever. Because they talk big when they're out on the campaign trail, wolfing on each other.

[co-host] McCord: But then ...

Imus: And then when they show up at the debate, they fold up like a couple of cheap lawn chairs. I mean, I don't understand that. And he's almost a bigger pussy than she is.

Video clip, courtesy of Media Matters:

McCain fails to answer political courage test

Only a handful of media outlets have reported the following political development: Last week Project Vote Smart (PVS), a nonpartisan voter education organization, kicked Republican presidential candidate John McCain off its "Founding Board" for his failure to answer and return its Political Courage Test, which asks candidates about what policies they support on a wide range of issues. PVS rules prohibit any non-respondent from serving on its board.

Forgiving Bill Buckner

File this in the category of never say never: Earlier today former Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner threw out the ceremonial first pitch at Fenway Park prior to Boston's home opener versus the (winless) Detroit Tigers. For two decades Buckner had been vilified by Boston fans who were unable to forgive him for his game-ending error in game 6 of the 1986 World Series against the New York Mets.

Math students correctly predicted NCAA tourney winner

Congrats to the two College of Charleston seniors - Neil Goodson and Colin Stephenson - who correctly predicted the winner of the NCAA tournament (Kansas Jayhawks) using computer models developed for their Operations Research class. Prior to the beginning of the tourney Goodson and Stephenson analyzed all 65 teams using models that took into account factors that included wins and losses, point differential and margin of victory. For what it's worth, the duo correctly identified two of the four teams that ultimately reached the tournament semifinals; their Final Four included Kansas, North Carolina, Texas and Duke.

"Things Fall Apart" 50th anniversary

On Feb. 12 Anchor Books will publish a 50th anniversary edition of "Things Fall Apart" by legendary Nigerian author Chinua Achebe. There's no denying the book's continued social importance, as it remains required reading in countless high school and college English courses.

Back in the spring of 2001 I had the opportunity to interview Chinua Achebe at his home in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. Among other things, we discussed the success of "Things Fall Apart" and his (then) most recent work, "Home and Exile."

Am I hallucinating? The GOP is selling pink elephants

Today I was forwarded an email that asks GOP supporters to donate to the Republican Party, and in exchange for a contribution of $35 or more one gets to "Meet Maxine," a pink elephant "plush toy" that is "the newest member of the Republican National Committee." Click here to see Maxine.

In part, the pitch reads as follows: "Embroidered with the official logo of the RNC, Maxine proudly shows off her allegiance to the Republican Party's principles of lower taxes, a strong national defense, limited government and personal responsibility. Maxine is a wonderful plush toy available for a limited time to our most loyal supporters...."

Never mind the fact that pink elephants are strongly associated with drunken hallucinations. Or the fact that the GOP typically shies away from the color pink. Maybe this is an attempt to appeal to the more repressed members of the Party? Anyone care to weigh in on this?

George W. Bush and the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Recently, Frank Deford did a piece on NPR's "Morning Edition" in which he likened certain national politicians to sports figures. For instance, Barack Obama is Roger Federer, Mitt Romney is Derek Jeter, and Ron Paul is Manny 'that's just Manny-being-Manny' Ramirez. Most of Deford's selections are a stretch, although linking George W. Bush and MLB commissioner Bud Selig makes some sense. However, it sees to us that George W. is more like a winless team--the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (or the 2007 Miami Dolphins, if you prefer)--because he's embarrassing and painful to watch, and delivers predictably horrible results week in and week out. Can anyone think of a better comparison?

Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me a third time?

In December of 2004, Failure magazine named “The American Voter” as its “Failure of the Year” for re-electing George W. Bush and leaving Republicans in control of both houses of Congress. In that article Failure predicted that Americans would “get what they deserve,” (i.e., self-destructive policy decisions coupled with woefully inept and corrupt leadership) and implied that the American public would rue the day it made such a misguided decision.

Almost three years later--now that the Bush Administration’s policies are really beginning to dramatically lower almost everyone’s quality of life--Americans have finally come to the conclusion that America needs a change of direction. The disturbing part is we're not convinced that this time next year America will actually vote for change. More and more it seems like a distinct possibility that Americans will vote for “more of the same.” It’s going to be really embarrassing if America is “fooled” a third time.

On a related note, we're also convinced that Americans are suffering from scandal fatigue. Over the past seven years we’ve heard of so many scandals, lies and abominations that the latest and greatest don’t seem to have much impact.

Here at Failure we’ve been compiling a list of many of the mistakes, blunders, lies and errors the American people have been subjected to over the course of the last seven years. It’s a very long list, all in bullet point form, each item an easily digestible sentence or two or three. Some of the items are nothing more than memorable quotes. Below are a few samples, all of which relate to the so-called “War on Terror.”

“We will be greeted as liberators” (no).

“The conflict will last six months” (no).

“The war will be paid for by oil revenues” (no).

“Osama bin Laden: Dead or Alive” (no).

“Mission Accomplished” (no).

“Plan For Victory” (no).

“Bring it on!” (okay, the insurgents did indeed ‘bring it’)

Insiders who have seen “the list” usually react with, uh, shock and awe, à la, “This is truly horrifying when you see everything all in one place.” And believe us, it is pretty horrifying.

Maybe next year come election time Failure will publish “the list.” Our populace may need a reminder of what “more of the same” might look like.

Lost Luggage

Spend any time at an airport baggage claim and it won’t be long before you spot a solitary suitcase going round and round on an otherwise empty baggage carousel. Ever wondered what happens to that suitcase if the airline is unable to reunite it with its owner? Chances are it ultimately ends up at the Unclaimed Baggage Center, a one-of-a-kind retailer that purchases lost and unclaimed bags from the airlines, then re-sells the bags and their contents at a store in Scottsboro, Alabama, The Unclaimed Baggage Center.

Do You Give Good E-mail?

Have you ever considered the possibility that you're not good at e-mailing? If not, perhaps you should. You might not realize that you're in need of help.

Next: Disaster

In the wake of last week’s bridge collapse in downtown Minneapolis, state officials across the U.S. have been rushing to inspect their own bridges—especially those 700-plus spans that are similar in design to that of the I-35W crossing. One bridge in Missouri has already been closed indefinitely, and others are sure to follow.

This bridge collapse and subsequent response brings to mind the saying: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I don’t want to be too critical, because in the U.S. major engineering-related disasters are rare. Let’s give our engineers and safety monitors credit where credit is due.

But let’s face it, the U.S. is becoming increasingly reactive (as opposed to proactive) when it comes to preventing and mitigating disasters. Pre-Katrina our government was well aware of what might happen to New Orleans in the wake of a major hurricane. And we’ve all been hearing for several years how the infrastructure in the U.S. is crumbling, yet we aren’t doing nearly enough to replace and repair our aging buildings, roads and bridges. I’m certain that the engineering community saw a major bridge collapse coming—that we were “overdue,” so to speak. Yet, it always takes a high-profile disaster before we begin to seriously address such problems—and sometimes even that isn’t enough.

All of this might leave you wondering what the next major U.S. transportation disaster is going to be. As someone who studies failure on an everyday basis I can take a pretty good guess:

Right now, the big fear among aviation safety experts is that two commercial airliners are going to collide on the ground at a major U.S. airport, most likely while one plane is taxiing and the other is taking off or landing. The accident is expected to occur at a busy hub where planes frequently taxi across runways, and/or at an airport that handles a lot of international flights (where communications between pilots and controllers may be hindered somewhat by a language barrier).

“Close calls” are occurring all the time, and an accident such as this is likely to happen sooner rather than later. But badly-needed safety measures aren’t likely to be implemented until after we experience an accident akin to the one that occurred at Tenerife, Canary Islands on March 27, 1977, where PanAm and KLM 747’s collided on the ground, killing 583 people.

Officials warned in 1990: Bridge was "structurally deficient"

According to the Minneapolis Star Tribune structural deficiencies in the I-35W bridge were so serious that the Minnesota Department of Transportation (MnDOT) last winter considered bolting steel plates to its supports to prevent cracking in the fatigued bridge metal.

"Fears about bridge safety fueled emotional debate within the agency, according to a construction industry source. But on the I-35W bridge, transportation officials opted against making the repairs. Officials were concerned that drilling thousands of tiny bolt holes would weaken the bridge. Instead, MnDOT launched an inspection that was interrupted this summer by unrelated work on the bridge's concrete driving surface.

The Associated Press (AP) also reported that in 1990 Minnesota officials were warned that the bridge was "structurally deficient," yet they relied on patchwork repairs. The federal government also gave the I-35W bridge a rating of "structurally deficient," citing significant corrosion in its bearings.

As recently as 2005 a federal inspection also rated the bridge structurally deficient, giving it a 50 on a scale of 100 for structural stability.

And during the 1990s, inspections found fatigue cracks and corrosion in the steel around the bridge's joints. Those problems were repaired. Starting in 1993, the state said, the bridge was inspected annually instead of every other year.

The collapsed bridge's last full inspection was completed June 15, 2006. The report shows previous inspectors' notations of fatigue cracks in the spans approaching the river, including one 4 feet long that was reinforced with bolted plates. A 1993 entry noted 3,000 feet of cracks in the surface of the bridge; they were later sealed.

Engineers wondered whether heavy traffic might have contributed to the collapse. Studies of the bridge have raised concern about cracks caused by metal fatigue.

White House press secretary Tony Snow said while the inspection didn't indicate the bridge was at risk of failing, "if an inspection report identifies deficiencies, the state is responsible for taking corrective actions."

Gov. Tim Pawlenty responded Thursday by ordering an immediate inspection of all bridges in the state with similar designs, but said the state was never warned that the bridge needed to be closed or immediately repaired.

So whose responsibility was it? It is clear that the bridge was declared "deficient" in 1990 and every year since. The families of the dead, the missing and the injured would like to know.